From 2005 through 2012, I wrote a blog I called The Ratzaz Diaries on Blogger. If you really want, you can look at it here, although it’s more of historical interest than anything else at this point. During those years, especially centering around 2009 – 2010, I underwent such intense personal changes that a great many of my interests, perspectives and opinions totally reversed themselves, and I found that I was no longer writing for the same audience, such as it was. I detailed those changes a bit at the time, but I was reluctant to unveil too much, personally. Now with a little more perspective, and facing a more urgent need in the real world, I hope to shed some more light on those aspects of my personal experience that explain those changes. I do this in the hope that it may be of assistance to someone.
I have to disclose that for about forty years, the majority of my adult life, with some limited breaks, I suffered from alcoholism, to such an extent that my survival of those years in any intact human form is amazing to me. I intend to explore in these writings to some extent what may have led me to that situation, yes, and the still-not-understood miracle that led me out; but I do this only as a setting to my current experiences. It is perhaps not so important, though of speculative interest, how all that happened; suffice to say, I am now where I think I was determined to be, with the perspective I need to have, to see what could not have been seen, otherwise. It seems to me that I have gone through trauma such as to constitute a death and rebirth in my true form.
I am hoping that whereas without my addiction I would have been primely set to be one of the more efficient and successful henchman of the destroyers, I have been reborn without those temptations and am ready to perform the tasks for which I was incarnated in this form and in this world – whatever those may be.
To further explain: I have never married and have no children. My closest companions are my cat and a friend who shares few of my convictions. I am not wealthy; I am, at 58, essentially a wage slave. I have no huge investment in their civilization, which they are about to bring down upon their heads and ours. Perhaps what I have learned is only to be carried forward into the next age, by means outside the material ones at our knowing disposal. Perhaps it still may be of some use to us here. We shall see.
I will add for those of you that were fans of the Ratzaz Diaries, that I went through fairly intensive experiences with Buddhism, although at times at which I was still struggling with alcohol. I have no more interest in Buddhism, but I do study the Vedas; I have found far more meaning in Hinduism. I do also realize that I could never be a Hindu, and am and hopefully will be a follower of the Northern European traditions – call them Asatru, or Odinism, actually I prefer Wotanism (as the German form), although that terms has associations with groups with whom I have no connection. Yet I will tell you that it was as a result of lengthy, indeed excessive meditations in the guise of what Westerners call Zen, that I experienced the revelations that led me to realization and remembrance of who I really am, and perhaps why I am here – and for that I will be always grateful.
Hopefully, we will talk about politics and metapolitics, philosophy and gnosis. And some personal things. Welcome to the new blog; I’ll try to get started soon.